- Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even though you wish they were.
- I float like an anchor and sting like a moth.
- I was once in a spelling bee, but I lost because the other contastents cheeted.
- I remember walking to school through the snow, uphill both ways, in my bare feet. Oh, now wait... never mind, that was my father.
- Football is not a contact sport; it is a collision sport. Dancing is a contact sport. -Vince Lombardi
- Give a man a fish and you have fed him for a day, but give him a case of dynamite and soon the village will be showered with mud and seaweed and unidentifiable chunks of fish.
- I may have settled in shipping.
- I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control!
- I have a mind like a steel...animal catcher thingy.
- I once found a throw rug in a catch basin.
- I went to the Missing Persons Bureau. No one was there.
- I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow man, and I HATE people like that. -- Tom Lehrer
- I have a speech impediment... my foot.
- I need some duck tape - my duck has a quack in it.
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