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1. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even though you wish they were.
2. I float like an anchor and sting like a moth.
3. I was once in a spelling bee, but I lost because the other contastents cheeted.
4. I remember walking to school through the snow, uphill both ways, in my bare feet. Oh, now wait... never mind, that was my father.
5. Football is not a contact sport; it is a collision sport. Dancing is a contact sport. -Vince Lombardi
6. Give a man a fish and you have fed him for a day, but give him a case of dynamite and soon the village will be showered with mud and seaweed and unidentifiable chunks of fish.
7. I may have settled in shipping.
8. I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control!
9. I have a mind like a steel...animal catcher thingy.
10. I once found a throw rug in a catch basin.
11. I went to the Missing Persons Bureau. No one was there.
12. I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow man, and I HATE people like that. -- Tom Lehrer
13. I have a speech impediment... my foot.
14. I need some duck tape - my duck has a quack in it.

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Back | Home | Time Killers | Marines | Religion | Truckin' | About Me