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23rd Psalm for the 21st Century

Found at rec.humor.funny.reruns

In these days of increasing sophistication in our language, and jargon which overflows into almost every area of our lives, we feel sure that by the year 2005 a new millennium version of the Bible will have been produced incorporating much of this modern language - perhaps it will be called the NMV New Millennium Version.
The 23rd Psalm could never be the same again.

It may sound something like this...

The Lord and I are in a shepherd - sheep situation, and I am in a position of negative need

He prostrates me in a green belt grazing area, and conducts me directionally parallel to a non-torrential aqueous liquid.

He restores to original satisfaction levels my psychological make up.

Notwithstanding the fact that I make ambulatory progress through the non-illuminated inter-hill mortality slot.. terror sensations shall not be observed within me due to the proximity of the omnipotence.

Your pastoral walking aid and quadruped pickup unit introduce me into a pleasurific mood state.

You design and produce a nutrient bearing furniture type structure in the context of non-cooperative elements, and my beverage utensil experiences a volume crisis.

You enact ahead related folk ritual utilising vegetable extracts.

Surely it must be an ongoing non-deductible fact that your inter-relational, emphatical and non-vengeful capacities will pursue me as their target focus for the duration of this non death period.

And I will possess tenant rights in the housing unit of the Lord on a permanently open ended time basis.

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