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  1. How do deer know to cross at those little yellow signs?
  2. Why do hotdogs come 10 to pack and the buns come 8 to a pack?
  3. What's another word for 'thesaraus'? And where would you look it up without using one?
  4. If you're flying down the highway, and your wings fall off your boat how many pancakes can you stack on top of a green doghouse?
  5. If Train A leaves San Francisco at 8:30am EST travelling 25mph and Train B leaves Chicago at 1:30pm MST travelling at 40mph, and they're 3000 miles apart when they start, what is the capitol of Bulgaria?
  6. How mad would a wood chuck get if a big neon pink Koala bear named Ishtar ran into the woods and chucked all the wood before the woodchuck could?
  7. If buttered toast always lands buttered side down and a cat always lands on its feet, what would happen if you tied a piece of buttered toast on the back of a cat and dropped it?
  8. Why can't DOS ever say "Excellent command or filename"?
  9. Why buy shampoo when real poo is still free?
  10. Why bother phoning a psychic? Let them phone you!
  11. Who puts those "Thin Ice" signs out there?
  12. What would have happened if Kuwait's main product was broccoli?
  13. If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
  14. Is it possible to be totally partial?
  15. Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
  16. How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
  17. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
  18. Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
  19. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
  20. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it homeless or naked???
  21. If a fly doesn't have wings, is it called a walk???
  22. If a fortune teller gets hit by lightning, did he or she see it coming???
  23. If a cow laughs too hard, will milk come out of its nose?
  24. If your knees bent the other way, what would a chair look like?
  25. Do you need a silencer to shoot a mime?
  26. Why do they call them buildings when they are already done?
  27. Why are they called hot water heaters?
  28. If a man speaks in the forest, and no woman is there to hear him, is he still wrong?
  29. Why are they called restrooms if you don't rest in them?
  30. What do you say when God sneezes?
  31. If today is tomorrow's yesterday, does that mean that we are living in the past? or... If today is yesterday's tomorrow, does that mean that we are living in the future?
  32. Do fish feel wet?
  33. How can something be New AND Improved?
  34. If you arrested a mime, would you tell him he has the right to remain silent?
  35. Why is there a right angle but no left angle?
  36. Why do they make scented markers when they tell kids not to sniff them in the first place?
  37. Who suggests the suggested retail price?
  38. Who decided to make abbreviation such a long word?
  39. Why do kamakize pilots wear helmets?
  40. An unfinished thought is like....
  41. If a negitive and a negitive equals a positive, then why don't two wrongs make a right?
  42. Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
  43. What's the speed of dark?
  44. Why do drive through banking machines have brail on the keypad?
  45. Does killing time damage eternity?
  46. Since when is sliced bread the greatest thing that has ever been invented?
  47. If we all lived in a yellow submarine, would we need windshield wipers?
  48. Why is today tomorrow on one side of the meridian and yesterday on the other side?
  49. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
  50. If God created Adam and Eve, Jesus and the world, who created God and how did he begin?
  51. What does God say when an angel sneezes?
  52. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
  53. How come super glue doesn't stick to the tube?
  54. How deep would the ocean be without the sponges?
  55. If life is a game then when's halftime?
  56. So the early bird gets the worm and the second rat gets the cheese... but what about the worm ???
  57. Do old people read the Bible so much because they're studying for finals?
  58. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
  59. Did anyone ever forget how to ride a bike?
  60. How does the door close after the bus driver gets off?
  61. How do "do not walk on grass" signs get there?
  62. The last I heard the devil was a snake, then in Revelations he was a dragon...who's feeding this serpent?
  63. If time is money, and money is power, and power corrupts, does time corrupt?
  64. If nothing sticks to teflon, how does teflon stick to the pan?
  65. Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do"practice"?
  66. What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?
  67. Why dosen't acid burn its container?
  68. Are vegetarians allowed to eat animal crackers?
  69. Do you realize the Bible was written by the same people who thought the earth was flat?
  70. Instead of a seeing eye dog, what about a gun? If you walk around shooting all the time, people will get out of your way. Cars too!
  71. So you're driving down the river in your motorcycle and the doors fall off.....do trees have elbows?
  72. Who thought Hotpoint was a good name for a company that makes refridgerators?
  73. If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
  74. If all the world is a stage, where does the audience sit?
  75. If practice makes perfect and no one is perfect, why practice?
  76. In the Superman movies, whenever the bad huys shoot Superman, he stands up and puffs out his chest and the bullets bounce right off him. Why then, when the bad guys throw their gun at Superman, does he duck?
  77. Ok, so Superman is invincible, and bullets don't stop him, but what is his suit made of?? Wouldn't the suit be wrecked by the bullets??
  78. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
  79. I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
  80. If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
  81. What would the speed of lightning be if it didn't zigzag?
  82. If man cannot live by bread alone, can women?
  83. If you could drive your car at the speed of light, and then turn your headlights on, would you be able to see in front of you?
  84. Do fish jump out of the water to commit suicide?
  85. If the world is getting smaller, Why do they keep raising the postal rates?
  86. Where do park rangers go to unwind?
  87. If we live in a "free" country, why does everything cost so much?
  88. When money was invented, why was "paper" chosen as the form of currency? What's wrong with "rock" or "scissors"?
  89. What is another word for synonym?
  90. If fashion says green and blue clash.....why did God make the grass green and the sky blue?
  91. When you eat ice cream what gives you the headache? The ice or the cream
  92. It doesn't matter what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
  93. If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?
  94. Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food?
  95. When I die, I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather; not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
  96. You can lead a horse to water, but will he do the backstroke in record time?
  97. If a mime swears, does his mother threaten to wash his hands with soap?
  98. If a person with multiple personality disorder threatens to kill themselves- is it a hostage situation?
  99. If a turtle loses it's shell- is it naked or homeless?
  100. How come there is real lemon in dish soap but none in lemonade kool- ade?
  101. If a man talks in a forest with no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
  102. If a stealth bomber crashes in the forest when no one is around- does it make any noise?
  103. If the world was in total darkness, would you be able to see?
  104. I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.
  105. Why is it that when you talk to God it's called "prayer," but when God talks to you it's called "schizophrenia?"
  106. A mirror reverses things from left to right. Why doesn't it reverse things from top to bottom?
  107. Why does everyone want to go to Heaven, but nobody wants to die?
  108. Why do legislators think they can reduce crime by passing more laws?
  109. If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?
  110. If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
  111. When a cow laughs does milk come up its nose?
  112. Why do they put Braille on the number pads of drive-through bank machines?
  113. How did a fool and his money GET together?
  114. If its tourist season, why cant we shoot them?
  115. Whatís another word for thesaurus?
  116. What do they use to ship Styrofoam?
  117. Why is abbreviation such a long word?
  118. Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream container?
  119. How do you know when its time to tune your bagpipes?
  120. Does "virgin wool" come from sheep the shepherd hasnít caught yet?
  121. Does fuzzy logic tickle?
  122. Do they have reserved parking for non-handicap people at the Special Olympics?
  123. If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?
  124. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
  125. Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
  126. If a book about failures doesnít sell, is it a success?
  127. If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
  128. If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
  129. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
  130. Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
  131. Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
  132. Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?
  133. Can you use a senior citizens discount on a happy meal?
  134. Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
  135. If a funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?
  136. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
  137. When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
  138. What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
  139. Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow? Only to be troubled and insecure?
  140. When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
  141. When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
  142. It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.
  143. Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
  144. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.
  145. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
  146. Never knock on Death's door; ring the doorbell and run (he hates that).
  147. Lead me not into temptation (I can find the way myself).
  148. When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?
  149. If you're living on the edge, make sure you're wearing your seat belt.
  150. The mind is like a parachute; it works much better when it's open.
  151. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive, anyway.
  152. There are two kinds of pedestrians...the quick and the dead.
  153. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
  154. A closed mouth gathers no feet.
  155. Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
  156. It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere.
  157. Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better attorney.
  158. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
  159. How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
  160. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
  161. When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
  162. Do blind Eskimos have seeing-eye sled dogs?
  163. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
  164. A day without sunshine is like, night.
  165. Diplomacy is saying "nice doggy" until you find a rock.
  166. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
  167. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
  168. If the sign says do not block the driveway, where do you park?
  169. Never is Never Absolute
  170. If the sun is the center of the universe how does it rise ?
  171. If you send a package by ship, it's cargo. if you send it by car it's shipment?


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