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How do you know when you are an alcoholic?

Author Unknown - I claim no credit

  1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects
  2. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth
  3. Job interfering with your drinking.
  4. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
  5. Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.
  6. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
  7. Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
  8. 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence??
  9. Two hands and just one mouth...
  10. "Norm!" is what they say when you enter the bar.
  11. When you can focus better with one eye closed
  12. The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar
  13. Every woman you see has an exact twin.
  14. You wake up to find Windows 95 installed on your machine.
  15. If you keep asking your wife "where are the kids?" but you don't really have a wife. She’s really your couch. Plus you have nothing but beer
  16. You fall off the floor...
  17. Discover the next morning liquid cleaning supplies have mysteriously disappeared
  18. Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
  19. You Had "Spuds McKenzie" tattoo removed, replaced it with "Red Dog."
  20. Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
  21. Beer: its not just for breakfast anymore.
  22. The glass keeps missing your mouth!
  23. Pat Buchanan starts to make sense
  24. When you go to donate blood and they ask what proof??
  25. Vampires catch a buzz after attacking you [also mosquitoes!]
  26. Only drinking problem is not having a drink right now
  27. At AA meeting you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
  28. Your idea of cutting back is less seltzer
  29. When vomiting becomes a relief
  30. Having a hard time staying on the side walk - left, right stumble fall
  31. You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, and your asleep clothed.
  32. The whole bar says "Hi" when you come in...
  33. You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and Women.
  34. Every night you’re beginning to find your roommates cat more and more attractive.
  35. Hi ocifer. I’m not under the affluence of incohol.
  36. I’m not drunk... you’re just sober...
  37. Problem? I Drink, I get Drunk, I Fall down....No Problem.
  38. If you’re on a diet, you cut back your food calories to allow for alcohol calories
  39. Even Johnny stops doing jokes about your drinking.
  40. The bourbon bottles empty...that’s the problem! - Hey...lets go get some more!
  41. Find yourself as the captain of the Exxon Valdez.
  42. When the bar owner actually carved your name onto your own barstool
  43. Roseanne looks good.
  44. Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass
  45. You LIKE to watch Barney because you’re so drunk already!
  46. That dang pink elephant followed you home again.
  47. You find yourself actually enjoying the food at that all night greasy spoon!!!!
  48. The Whisky Ainpit Working Anymoer
  49. Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you
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